There are many hard topics that come up in the course of parenting, but when it is time to talk to your children about death, it is probably one of the hardest to discuss. Children are innocent and impressionable, and this is a conversation that requires careful explanation. It’s not always easy to do but when it comes to talking about death, children need you to be honest. The details of the death aren’t something you want your children to find out about by accident because you then cannot control the conversation.
This conversation happened to me a couple of weeks ago with my 5-year-old daughter. She randomly asked, “mom when do we die?”, and I replied honestly that no one knows when they will die. My husband thought I was too straightforward and would scare her, but it actually opened up a new line of questioning. She wasn’t scared or worried, and she had all of her questions answered.
Children are incredibly intelligent and easily able to adapt to an idea. When you discuss death, you might find that they are going to ask a ton of questions. The questions won’t always be easy to answer because you want to keep them innocent while still being honest, but you can do it.
It’s a balancing act, and whether you are discussing the details of actual death or you’re talking about the cremation information that’s out there from planning your own funeral, you need to plan this conversation out. It might help to have the support of another adult while you’re talking about death to your children, as they can answer questions with you. The beliefs that your family holds (spiritual or religious) are going to make a difference to the way that this conversation goes, too.
How To Talk To Your Children About Death
1. Start With What They Understand Already
Ask them what they know about death and what happens when you die. Talk about it in terms of flowers and the trees first, and then move on to talking about pets that may have passed away. Once you think it’s appropriate, move onto family members and their deaths.
2. Remember to Use the Right Word
When you’re explaining death to your children, you have to use the word “dead”. Don’t sugar coat it with “up in the sky” because children are very literal. Explain the way burial and cremation works, but using the word “dead” will avoid any issues with understanding. You can convey the finality that comes with death this way.
3. Be Descriptive
You don’t have to talk about what happens to the organs and the body after death during the process of deterioration, but you should think about what you will say about the body not working anymore. Talk about the heart stopping and the fact that they won’t be able to move or talk anymore.
4. Practice
It’s not an easy conversation to have, so practice what you might say with another adult first. This will help you feel confident with your language and the words that you use. Focus on getting the message across about death being the last thing to happen. Practicing with another adult will also give you a second opinion on what you should say, so make sure it’s an adult with a valuable opinion.
Talk To Your Children About Death
Talking to children about death is a part of them growing up. Things and people around them will die, and being coy about that will only lead to confusion as they get older. Have this conversation while they’re young so that they can fully understand what is happening.
What tips would you add to this list? Leave a comment and let me know!
