A specific type of guilt that comes with motherhood is mom guilt. That’s not to say that other parents don’t feel it too – but it is often attributed to moms. Mom guilt occurs because we feel responsible for everything. We want to do everything as a mom, even when it’s impossible. Since we can’t do it all, we feel bad no matter what we do.
So what is mom guilt?
Almost all moms will struggle with mom guilt because that is how society has framed decisions that moms make. Everything we do is wrong in someone’s eyes.
Worrying about making the right or wrong decisions, choosing between working, parenting, bed-times, school plays, trying to find help if you need it (admitting your need or don’t need help), a new business – and if the frozen peas are good enough.
So if you are struggling with mom guilt, remember that you aren’t alone. Here are some of the common reasons for mom guilt and some things you can do to ease it.
Reasons for Mom Guilt (and what you can do about it)
Being bored
Ever been sitting watching a children’s show for the 40th time? You can’t go outside because the weather is bad, and you don’t have any activities planned. Boredom sets in, and you can feel guilty that suddenly you don’t feel fulfilled by what you have.
It’s totally normal to get bored of Thomas The Tank Engine and crave some adult conversations. Being bored doesn’t mean you’re bored of your life or aren’t grateful it’s a normal thing that many parents experience. Try to find something to help while away the hours – even if it’s Twitter!
Screentime
Everyone has a different opinion about screen time, and you’ll always get unsolicited advice about it. You should only give your children 5 minutes of screentime every six days. And even then – it’s too much. Our parents and those before them didn’t have screen time; instead, kids played outside until the streetlight came on. You’ve heard all of these things before, and it’s done nothing but make you experience mom guilt.
Use the tools you have at your disposal to make your life easier, not harder. That might mean you give in to a few hours of iPad time while getting things done. Your great-great-grandparents likely would have let their kids have screentime if they had the tools then. Ignore what people say and do what feels best for your family.
Remember that the type of content your child watches or plays matters. Again, this is up to your discretion, but make sure their electronic usage matches your values and belief systems.
Unsolicited advice
Your neighbor’s daughter’s friend’s aunty’s new baby doesn’t cry that much. And their older children play silently. The parents also cook a roast every day, have full-time jobs, etc.
It can feel like no matter what you do, someone is waiting in the wings to tell you ‘told you so’ or to question what you are doing.
You aren’t under any obligation to take their advice – or even listen to it, for that matter. Judgments and criticisms can also come from closer to home – but again, you don’t need to follow what your parents or anyone else do.
Getting angry
You don’t get a moment’s break – ever. Not even when the children are asleep, not really. You’re the 24/7/365 on-call person. And that means you will see tantrums, tempers, throwing, school problems, arguing, and more.
From time to time, you might lose your temper. Every child has their moments, and it’s important that when you get annoyed – you quickly check yourself (take a breath, drink a glass of water, step outside for a moment) – then forgive yourself.
If the last one rings a little bit too true, here are some great tips: Manage Stress As A Parent With These Simple Tips – Mom Wife Wine.
