If you’re moving your family to another state or across the country and you have teenagers, you may be aware of the challenges that await. If your teen isn’t on board with the move, you may have added struggles as they fight you along the way. This article provides parenting tips for a long distance move that will ease the strain regardless of how your teen feels about it.
Why Moving is Hard for a Teenager
Moving is hard on everyone, no matter your age. However, it can be especially challenging for a teenager for some unique reasons. If this is the first time your family has moved, you’ve accumulated a lot of stuff from over the years. All that stuff translates into memories for your teenager. As you think about purging your belongings to make moving easier, it can seem like you’re throwing out important memories for your teen. They often feel a sense of loss from items you’re giving away and the loss of their home, which is security for many kids.
Another reason moving is difficult is the fear of the unknown. They have established a place for themselves in their school and neighborhood. Now, they must start over and build a new reputation. While a new start can be exciting, it can also be frightening. If a teenager suffers from anxiety, stepping out into the unknown can make it worse.
Your teen may worry about keeping up with old relationships as they seek to build new ones. They may be concerned that they won’t find new friends like their current BFFs or worry that they will lose touch and their friends will move on without them. All these issues can cause major stress and emotions that your teen may not know how to handle. The following parenting tips are designed to assist you in helping your teen through this major transition.
Open Communication
Communication is the key to dealing with any change and managing stress. It’s your job as the parent to keep the lines of communication open with your teen during the moving process. This step begins when you first decide to move. After you’ve made your decision or even before, you should be upfront with your teenager about to move. Talking to them early in the process allows them time to adjust to the idea before the actual packing begins.
Encourage them to tell you how they feel about the move, even if they hate the idea. Let them know that whatever emotions they’re feeling are okay. Realize that they may feel anxious, upset, sad, angry, and excited at one time or another. Sometimes, they may feel multiple emotions at once.
Make Time for Conversation
When you decide the time is right to talk to your teen about the move, plan it for when you’re not in a hurry. You want to give them plenty of opportunity to ask questions and say what’s on their minds. Realize this isn’t a one-time thing. Instead, you should make plans to reconnect throughout the process. You’re dealing with your stress about the move, which can make it easy to overlook your teen’s feelings. They also feel your stress, which can impact their attitudes and behaviors.
Here are some ideas for when you can plan conversations during your move:
- During breakfast on the weekends
- Before family movie night
- Schedule a lunch with your teen
- Go for ice cream
- Take a walk in the neighborhood
You’ll probably come up with some ideas of your own on times you can connect with your teen. Let them know that they can write out their feelings if they feel too intimidated to speak to you about it.
Be Honest
When your teen asks questions, be honest with your answers. Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know,” instead of trying to reassure them with platitudes. They will trust what you say a lot more if they know you’re always going to tell them the truth.
Support Their Feelings
It’s all too easy to tell your teen, “It will be okay,” or “Don’t worry; you’ll make new friends.” Even though you’re trying to be encouraging, those statements can tell your teen that they shouldn’t feel the way they do. Instead, let them know it’s okay if they feel sad, mad, or anxious. You can even sympathize with them, telling them you’re going to miss your friends or something else about where you’ve been living. Validating their feelings can help them open up even more.
Give Them Some Control
The adults in your household most likely made the decision to move. Your teen probably had little to say about it. As they deal with the transition, they may feel like they have no control over the situation. You can help your teen deal with things by giving them some control. Allow them to make some choices and voice their opinions.
Some ways you can do this include:
- Allowing them to decorate their bedroom
- Give them a voice in where they will go to school
- Let them decide where you’ll explore in the new town
- Allow them to choose how they will say goodbye to their friends
- Let them assist in making decisions about décor in other rooms, especially a family or game room
While it’s important to stick with your regular routines as much as possible, you’ll also want to be lenient if they stay up a little later at night, play video games more than usual, or want to spend extra time with friends.
Encourage your teen to do their own research about where you’re moving. They can get online and find the closest pizza restaurant, coffee shop, or ice cream place. When you arrive in your new city, let them play tour guide and take you to the places they discovered. It will help them feel like part of the team.
Stress Less with Professional Movers
You’ll be less stressed when moving long distances, which will help your teen be less stressed if you’re organized with the moving process. One of the easiest ways to accomplish this goal is by hiring professional movers. These movers not only transport your belongings to your new home, but they can also load and unload the boxes and furniture. Not quite ready to move out? You can add other services, such as packing and unpacking or storage while you wait for your new place to be move-in ready.
Recap: Parenting Tips for a Long Distance Move
Consider these parenting tips for a long distance move to find ways to support your teen. It might not be easy, but with positive support, they’ll come around.
Have you encountered a long-distance move with teens or when you were a teen yourself? Leave a comment and tell us about it.
