Being a mother is life-changing, albeit in a messy and potentially overwhelming (at times) way, and the shift can be a big one. After all, one minute you’re your own person with your own hobbies, career, and ultimately your own sense of self, and the next, you’re someone’s entire world, and you’re needed more than ever. That’s an incredible thing, but it’s also something that can mean some mothers forget who they were before motherhood. Being a mother is a big part of your identity, but it’s not everything, and you need to allow the other parts of you out at times as well. It doesn’t take long for many to wonder how you can find yourself again after becoming a mom.
So, how do you reclaim your identity after years (or even months) or putting everyone else first? How do you reconnect with the person you were before or perhaps even discover who you’ve become? Well, one thing you don’t have to do is wait until the kids grow up and move out – you can start reclaiming your identity right now, and here are some ways to do it. Keep reading to find out more.
Remember What You Used To Love
Before kids, what was it that made you light up and smile? It could have been anything — painting, dancing, writing, walking in nature, exercising at the gym, going to the theatre by yourself… Maybe you loved road trips, trying new restaurants, or binge-watching true crime documentaries. It doesn’t matter what it was, you’ve just got to remember it.
Then, consider the last time you did something like that just because it made you happy instead of because it was on your long to-do list or someone else asked you to help them. Was it a while ago? More than likely. It can stand in the way when you want to find yourself again after becoming a mom.
With all that in mind, you can start to add those fun things back into your life. By starting small, like picking just one thing to begin with, you’ll be able to find space for it, even if it’s just a few minutes a day at the beginning. Taking a little bit of time to do something for yourself when you don’t have to be mom for a bit can make all the difference and prove that you’re still you.
Stop Feeling Guilty
Mom guilt is real, and it’s relentless. The moment you decide to do something for yourself, that little voice in your head tells you it’s selfish and you should be doing something for the kids instead — it’s your job as a mom, after all.
But the truth is that taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you can’t also take care of your children, and in fact, by being yourself once in a while – ideally regularly – you’ll be a happier, calmer, more productive parent when you’re around your children, and that’ll benefit everyone. Plus, when you prioritize your well-being, it’s a great lesson for the kids because it shows them they should do the same. It also teaches them they can tell you what they’re feeling and learn how to make themselves feel better. It’s a fantastic life lesson to learn as early as possible.
The point is, if you wait until everything else gets done before you give yourself a break, you’ll never end up taking a break — and remember, the laundry, dishes, vacuuming, or anything else you think you have to do right now can wait but your mental and physical health and happiness can’t. Or shouldn’t, at the very least.
Get Dressed For Yourself Again
It’s amazing how much our clothing choices impact how we feel. If you’re stuck wearing the same old leggings and oversized t-shirts and you stick your hair in a messy bun not because you like the look (and some people will, which is great) but because it’s the easy route and you think there’s no point in doing anything else, you might be setting yourself up to feel bad. And you won’t even realize it’s you doing it.
Maybe it’s actually time for a bit of a wardrobe refresh. Remember, this isn’t about pleasing anyone else or looking a certain part — it’s about wearing things that make you feel good. That could be a good pair of jeans that fit well or a lovely dress that makes you feel attractive. Or, it could even just be taking a moment to put on lipstick and earrings, it’s these little things that make a big difference in how you feel, which makes a big difference in your overall attitude and outlook on life.
Find A Passion Project to Find Yourself Again After Becoming a Mom
Motherhood can sometimes make it feel as though your life revolves around what everyone else wants and needs, and it can be hard to move away from that mindset. However, one of the best ways to reclaim your identity is to start something entirely for you.
That could be learning a new skill, starting a blog, taking an online course, or even starting a side hustle business (which could grow over time or stay small depending on your ultimate goals). Whatever it is, make sure it’s just for you.
Having a personal project gives you something to get excited about outside of your job as a mother, and it can also be something that reminds you of your dreams, talents, and ambitions, which can be an extra helping hand to remind you of who you are and help you get back on that path. After all, although you might not like to think about it right now, at some point, the kids will have their own lives, and you’ll need to do something that isn’t all about them. You might as well start putting things in place now rather than scrambling to find something later in life.
Prioritize Your Mental And Physical Health
As a mother, it’s easy (and probably feels natural) to put yourself last. But, if you’re running on empty, you’re really not helping anyone. That’s why taking care of your mind and body isn’t selfish — it’s vital.
You can start by getting enough sleep, moving your body in ways that work for you and that you enjoy, and eating healthy meals at the right times instead of just grabbing quick snacks on the go because you have too much to do. You don’t have to join a sports team or spend hours at the gym because there are tons of options when it comes to exercise.
And if stress, anxiety, or exhaustion are getting too much, don’t be afraid to ask for help, including professional help — there’s no shame in it, and it could be what makes your life so much better. You could try therapy, self-care, or even explore alternative wellness options — many experts in medical marijuana can tell you all about the potential benefits of using it, especially when it comes to managing stress, relieving anxiety, and essentially improving your overall mental health. Self-care comes in many forms, so exploring the various options helps you find something that works for you.
Final Thoughts: Find yourself again after becoming a mom
It’s true that motherhood changes you, but it doesn’t have to stop you from being you. You can still be an amazing mom and enjoy your own identity, dreams, and passions. In fact, the two go hand in hand. Consider some of these ideas to find yourself again after becoming a mom.
Do you have any other tips to offer? Leave a comment and let us know.
