Category: Marriage

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Marriage

11 Ways to Keep the Spark Alive in Your Marriage

As time goes by, the spark you and your partner had in the beginning may fade. Life gets so busy and repetitive that we sometimes forget to make time to keep the spark alive. It really doesn’t take that much time, though, and can be so beneficial to your relationship.

Whether you and your spouse have already lost the spark or if you are just afraid of it happening, here are 11 ways to keep the spark alive or bring the spark back.

I promise it’s easier than it sounds so just read these and try to implement them in your daily lives.

How to Keep the Spark Alive

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How to Keep the Spark Alive (or get it back)

Show them love, all day. 

This starts in the morning. Smile and kiss them (yes, even with morning breath) as soon as you wake up next to them in the morning. Let them know you’re happy to wake up next to them. Do things like this throughout the day.

Hug, hold hands, and kiss often: How to Keep the Spark Alive

These are simple actions that can make so much of a difference. You’ll feel more connected to your spouse when you hold hands, kiss, or hug. Do it in the car, while sitting on the couch, when you walk past each other in the hallway, and any other time your hands are free or you can lean in for a little kiss. Do it whenever there is an opportunity. If you do, that spark is sure to stay (or come back).

Do little things for each other. 

Make the coffee if you get to the kitchen first. Send a cute text message to tell your spouse you are thinking of them if you’re away all day. Take over with the kids if they’ve had them all day. Make dinner. Get them a drink. It’s easy to be thoughtful.

Tell them when they look hot! 

Letting your spouse know that you’re still attracted to them is definitely an easy way to help keep that spark alive (or bring it back).

Don’t wear sweatpants every day.

I know, I know .. we all want to. Think back, though, did you wear them all the time at the beginning of the relationship? I know I didn’t! When my husband fell in love with me I dressed cute in things that flattered me, wore makeup, and did my hair. Now, obviously I don’t do these things EVERYDAY but I do make sure I do it often.

Cuddle. 

Even if it’s just for 2 minutes in between the kids asking for something. Even that short amount of time lets your partner know you’re wanting to spend time and love on them, and it’s also a nice reminder to you of how much you need that.

Ask about their day – How to Keep the Spark Alive

It lets them know you care. Listen to how their day went and ask more questions as necessary. If they’ve had a rough day ask if there is anything you can do to make it better. Be that person for them.

Random touches. 

When you walk past your partner in the kitchen, touch them when you do. Even if it’s just a slight rub on their arm or a hand around their waste. Again, these little things are necessary.

Sex. 

This one is obvious but so important. Your spouse needs to connect with you on this deeper, more intimate level.

Appreciate your spouse – How to Keep the Spark Alive

Tell them how lucky you are to have them, or thank them for doing the dishes.

Laugh together.

Watch a comedian, play a funny game, or watch funny YouTube videos together. Nothing can lighten up a relationship like a good laugh.

I know this was only supposed to be 11 ways to keep the spark alive, but I’m giving you a BONUS suggestion. 

Learn your spouse’s love language. 

We all have different love languages and it’s so much easier to give your spouse the love they NEED when you know what their love language is. I’ve read this book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts several times now and I learn something new every time. My husband’s love language is definitely physical touch while I need Words of Affirmation. Check out the book, you won’t be sorry.

Final Thoughts on How to Keep the Spark Alive

Now you don’t have to do all 11 (or 12, I suppose) ideas every single day, just when you get a chance and try to do them more often than not. Don’t let a day go by where your spouse isn’t 100% certain you’re still crazy about them. My husband is the type of person who needs physical touch to feel connected so things like holding hands, kissing, and hugging are so important to him. I’m a talker so I need him to ask/answer questions and just talk to me. Everyone is different so make sure you are aware of what your partner needs when trying to keep the spark alive.

Are there any tips that I missed? What is your favorite tip that I gave? Tell me what you think in the comments! 🙂

How to Keep the Spark Alive
Categories
Marriage

10 Steps to Make Your Marriage Last

They say the first year of marriage is the hardest and if that is true, my husband and I will do alright throughout the rest of our marriage. We had some hard times but never anything that we couldn’t work out. My husband Chris and I are coming up on our one-year wedding anniversary and I want to share some of the things we’ve learned so far and the things that helped us connect better.

  1. Communicate – I know this seems obvious but it’s the thing we have struggled with the most. When we fail to tell each other how we are feeling, it gets to the point that we are shouting at each other and making passive aggressive remarks to one another. This obviously isn’t the way to handle issues in a marriage. Luckily, we have learned to tell each other when we are mad, sad, frustrated, hurt, etc. and what exactly made us feel that way. Nothing will get better if you don’t talk about it.
  2. Listen – This one kind of ties into the last one, but it is SO important on many different levels. Yes, you need to listen to your partner when they are telling you how they are feeling and why, but you also need to listen to the things that aren’t so obvious. If you overhear your spouse and they sound like they are having a hard time, step in and help them out. If they are frustrated or overwhelmed with the kids and you can hear that in their voice, take over. Give them a break for a few minutes. If they are feeling stressed out about work and you can hear that in their voice, help them relax. You know how to help them relax or what activities will relieve their stress… help them out. Listen to those tones in their voice and lend a hand when you can.
  3. Learn to bite your tongue – Hubby’s tip. Have you ever said something to your spouse that you regretting? Something that caused an unnecessary argument or made an argument worse? Yeah, we have, too. Work on that. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s essential to making a marriage last. Learn when to stop yourself from saying the first thing that comes to mind. Learn when to just take a deep breath and walk away. Learn to not say things you don’t mean when you’re angry. Ask yourself if it will help the situation. Will it solve the problem?
  4. Cook together – Hubby’s tip. This might be our #1 tip. We bond so much in the kitchen. We listen to music, dance, sing, talk, laugh, and enjoy being together. The kids are sometimes involved… they help with the cooking when they can and they dance and sing when they can’t help with dinner. When we want a little “alone” cooking time, we turn on the kids’ favorite movie or TV show and bond on a more intimate one-on-one level. It has helped us through so many fights and helped us bond during the happier times.
  5. Cuddle – Chris and I are always happier when we cuddle. We feel emotionally connected to one another, reminding us of who we are when it’s just us. Not as parents, but as the people we were before we started focusing all of our attention on the kids. It helps us relax and can ease the tension after a long day, and when I’m feeling anxious, it always helps calm me. For us, there is no better way to bond, either.
  6. Go on dates – This is so important and very often pushed to the side in a marriage. You need one-on-one time with your spouse with no distraction. I need time to remember who my husband was when it was just him and I. The super funny, affectionate man who would always hold my hand and grin at me. This helps me get to know my husband again. Remember that person you started dating all those years ago and fell in love with? Find them again. Go on dates. You can find some free/cheap date ideas here if you need some inspiration.
  7. Do things you don’t want to do – I’m not saying to ignore your wants, but your spouse wants to share the things they love with the person they love. So watch that basketball game, see that movie, listen to that song, and go ice skating or wine tasting if that’s what your partner wants to do. They’ll do the same for you when the time comes, and they’ll see that you are interested in them enough to experience these things that make them happy.
  8. Don’t lose interest in your own interests – While I did just say to do things you don’t want to do… you still have to do stuff YOU want to do alone. If you like to play trivia with your friends, keep doing it! If you want to see a movie with your friend instead of your spouse, do that, too. I like to scrapbook and that’s something I know Chris is just not going to be interested in. I like to do it and I’ve always done it alone while watching TV shows or listening to music, so I still do. It is still important to take time for yourself and do things you enjoy on your own.
  9. Do things to let your spouse know you are thinking of them – So my husband will randomly surprise me with my favorite candy bar or drink, or he’ll make a pot of coffee in the morning even when he doesn’t have time to have any himself. He’ll send me a random text message in the middle of the day to tell me he loves me and I do the same for him. I was at dollar tree and noticed they sold Mr. Pibb and I know that’s Chris’ favorite so I grabbed him a bottle. Just little things like that… they don’t take much effort, but they’re meaningful. It’s like saying, “Hey babe, I was thinking of you today”. It’ll make your partner feel special.
  10. When you are wrong, say so – Admitting that you’re wrong is the first step to working through a problem. Apologize, make it right, make up, and learn from it.

These are the little things that have helped us become closer during our first year of marriage. We are constantly learning and growing, and we have found that focusing on our relationship is just as important as spending time with the kids. It is essential in a marriage to work on the things that harm the relationship, and also on the things that make our relationship better.

Bonus Tips from teenagers – 

  • “Always say 3 kind words a day, besides ‘I love you’. ” – Stevey (Nevaeh’s best friend)
  • “Be loyal.” – Nevaeh 

I know that teenagers haven’t had marriage experience yet (obviously), but I thought it would be interesting to hear what they thought would help a marriage last. They do observe their parents, after all. Plus I thought it could be kind of funny…. this is how their answers really went:

“Umm.. I have one but I don’t know what it is right now” – Stevey
“Nevaeh, do you have a tip?” – Me
“I don’t know… be loyal” – Nevaeh (with complete confusion in her voice about why I’m asking her)
“OK Stevey, got one yet?” – Me
“Yep, it says …” – Stevey
“Wait are you reading this from Google?” -Me
“Yeah. Um, it says “Always say 3 kind words a day, besides ‘I love you'” – Stevey

I tried to google where her answer came from so I could link it but literally, nothing even close came up… lol

 

So now that I’ve told you how Chris and I made it through our first year of marriage, I’d like to hear from you! What is your advice for other married couples? Tell me in the comments! 🙂

 

 

Categories
Craft Marriage Toddler and Preschool Age Fun

40 Free or Cheap Date Night Ideas

Yesterday was my husband’s birthday. It was not exciting at all… he got his gift early (last) week, which was a circular saw and the rest of his gifts won’t be here until tomorrow because I’m a crappy wife and ordered them late. He went to work, after work he rushed home to grab Sylas and Josie and then rushed to Nevaeh’s choir concert, while Liam and I went to my nephew’s high school graduation.

After the choir concert, Chris rushed back to our side of town to pick Peyton up from the school when he got back from his Macinack field trip. By the time we all got home, it was 9 pm and we hadn’t done anything fun all day. Sylas asked about 10 times when we were going to the park for daddy’s birthday because we always have Sylas’ parties at the park. LOL.

I knew ahead of time that Chris’ birthday wouldn’t be very “special”, so the littles and I took some time to make him a couple of homemade gifts.

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I helped the kids make him some handprint crafts. Josie made a birthday cupcake using her hand, and then the flames on her “candles” are made from her fingerprints.

Sylas and Liam made little monsters. Sylas used his hand (minus the middle finger) to make his monster, and then I added the eye and mouth myself. Liam made a monster using his foot, and then I added the smile and eyes. I helped Liam make polka dots on his monster, too.

Sylas and Josie also did some free art time and they both chose to make pictures for daddy. They’re so sweet and I’m trying to help them understand that they should try and make daddy feel special on his birthday like he does for them on theirs.

 Josie’s artwork for daddy, it’s two different spaceships.

 One of Sylas’

 Sylas’ other one… this one is a tall tower, a dragon, and rain.

So then MY DIY project for Chris was a date night jar. We struggle with finding things to do when we are stuck at home and I always want to bond more than we do during a normal week.

We ALWAYS talk about having more date nights but with the kids, it’s really hard to find the time.

I decided to create a “Date Night” jar, full of things we can either do at home or (with a little planning ahead) find a babysitter for a couple of hours while we do something quick but fun.

I used a mason jar (I buy mine on Amazon) to hold the date night ideas. Then, I made a tag for a label, used a hole punch to make a hole in the tag, and slipped it onto twine before tying the twine around the neck of the bottle.

When we are wondering what we should do to have some fun, we just draw a date from the jar and go with the first one we pulled out. The ones that require a babysitter or a little planning ahead, I marked with a different color so that we know to avoid those ones when we know we are stuck at home.

No more sitting around wasting time on our phones or cleaning when we want to bond and spend time together… now we have plenty of ideas. 🙂

Are there any free/cheap date nights you would add to this list? Let me know in the comments. 🙂