Guys, I have become so emotional since I gave birth to my oldest.
Before kids, I would pride myself on my ability to leave emotion out of EVERYTHING. Nothing bothered me, I rarely cried, and I would laugh during moments when I should have been sad or at least a little bummed. I don’t know why I thought this was a good characteristic of mine, but I really thought it was great.
Fast forward to pregnancy and I was emotional. Not TOO bad, but bad enough that it shocked me. I cried over swollen ankles, broken sandals, and ice in my drink. I thought that was bad.
Then, I gave birth. The moment he was born I was overwhelmed with emotion. That part I expected. What I did not expect was to be overwhelmed with emotion ALL THE TIME about EVERYTHING. Breastfeeding made me emotional, bath time made me emotional, cuddling and kisses made me emotional. Obviously, I wasn’t sad all that time (I did suffer from PPD but that’s a different issue), but I was feeling some bittersweet emotions. I loved my new baby so much that everything made me cry. Tears of joy, tears of pain (breastfeeding), tears of amazement (is that even a thing? I think for moms it is). Seriously, everything.
I thought this emotional stage would pass once the newborn stage passed. I was wrong. So, so wrong.
I cry when I see something I relate to (like this post from Creating a Mama), I cry when my kids learn something new, I cry when I think about how big they are getting, I cry when something makes me happy. STILL. Years later, and I am still an emotional mess ALL THE TIME. I cry when I don’t even know the people involved in an incident or when someone that I barely know posts on facebook that they had a death in their family. Oh and today I cried when I noticed that Peyton forgot his lunch at home and I couldn’t make it to his school before lunch started, even though I am fully aware that he will get lunch at school and be completely fine.
Where does this come from? What happens in a woman that turns her into this emotional mess all the time? Am I the only mom that is like this?
Sometimes I wish the emotions would go away but at the same time, I like to be aware of how a situation is making me feel. Before I was a parent, my mindset that nothing could bother me was probably unhealthy and I feel like I never connected with anyone on an emotional level.
My kids amaze me and I just can’t believe how much they are growing. Pretty soon I will no longer have a “baby”.. I actually technically already don’t. Liam is a “toddler” but he’s my baby. I look back on pictures from when my kids were newborn babies and it’s so bittersweet… take me back for just a day, please. Let me hold my infant in my arms and nurse one more time. Let me rock my baby to sleep and spend hours staring at their tiny little face.
The emotions don’t end after pregnancy or even after the newborn stage. At least not for me. Now I’m emotional for every milestone, no matter how tiny, for every time my littles are hurt, for everytime my big kids are left disappointed or sad… and for a million other reasons that don’t make sense to me.
Parenting is a rollercoaster, that’s for sure.
