It’s no secret that 2020 has been a real struggle for most of us. With so many unknown situations occurring and life constantly changing, it’s been hard. Unfortunately, this causes many issues for families. Luckily, however, there are ways to handle family issues positively.
Challenging situations will affect everybody, be that in our jobs, or physical and mental health, and in our relationships with our friends and families.
While it is natural in all relationships to experience rough patches, placing a global pandemic that leaves us all trapped inside all the time into the mix makes it worse. The feeling of wanting to escape or take it out on others around you increases dramatically.
In challenging times you will need the support of your family to get you through. However, family relationships can be complicated at times, and conflict within the home is hard to escape from.
Here are some of the things you can do to help to restore your family (dis)agreements during one of the most challenging global crises in the 21st Century.
How to Handle Family Issues Positively
1. Stop playing the blame game
Relationships, particularly within a family unit, are about more than just one person. Attempting to, or even suggesting changing any family member can invite defensiveness. Nobody likes to be told that they are doing things wrong or need to change.
When dealing with issues, it is vital to come at them from a place of wanting to fix them, not of wanting to come out on top. This may mean coming to tackle an issue by starting with your role in the disagreements or tensions within family relationships. By admitting your fault in it, the other person will be more likely to accept your suggestions.
If all of you seek to facilitate your own changes individually, the family unit will flourish as you all try your best to be a good mom, dad, husband, wife, son, daughter etc. Each person in the family unit has a responsibility to uphold, so it is important for everyone to work together.
Quite often, problems in relationships are just that: problems that need addressing. Stop blaming yourself or others and think about what the issues are that cause tensions.
2. List all of the things that spark disagreements
From not completing chores, to harsh tones in communication, small things can build up to a pretty big deal when managing family relationships. If you’re constantly asking your kids to clean their rooms, or your partner to give you some space in the mornings and these requests are ignored, you can feel disrespected and lacking in value.
That said, it may not just be you that ends up feeling that way and tensions may be high from a number of reasons.
Have everyone in the family write out what they feel causes tensions within the household. Create a safe space in order to allow them to do so. The key is to not get offended by some of the responses you get.
The lists should include all of the things that each family member fears talking about due to not wanting to run into any disagreements. Doing so will help to identify any potential issues within the family unit.
You may notice several family members will identify similar areas of concern which will make it easier to deal with the issues – especially if you can come to an agreement as to how they can be dealt with. Do this collectively and each of you will feel responsible for the rest of the family unit.
However, if it seems impossible to write just a few things on the list because you argue about everything, then this determines that the issues run deeper than simple misunderstandings.
3. Express concerns constructively
It’s easy to come into addressing concerns with accusation, but as previously mentioned, issues are rarely to do with an individual and precisely to do with a root cause.
Take the pandemic, for example. The outbreak wasn’t anybody’s fault. How it was dealt with and the things that have happened as a result have sparked a whole load of discontent and disappointment that certain things haven’t gone according to plan.
Having each of you expressing your concerns constructively will open the doors to honest and open discussions. Ensure that any comments are not accusatory comments, but comments that demonstrate how you feel. Here are some examples of ways to open up a dialogue which limit the potential for conflict.:
- My concern is….
- I feel/felt (one word eg- sad, anxious, scared) …when/ that (what it’s about?)
- What are your thoughts about….?
- I would like to (and never use I would like YOU to…)
- How would you….?
- I love it when…
Attempt to move away from unhealthy, accusatory comments which go nowhere and more often than not end up causing further fights.
4. Seek outside help
Sometimes it feels impossible to deal with things on our own. This means we need a neutral, outside perspective to give us the clarity that we need to get through. Going through some family counseling together will help you all to work through any issues that you’re facing as a family unit.
Family issues can occur as a result of traumatic experiences, so having a professional is necessary to help you to navigate them as a collective and deal with them head on.
Their job is to help you all identify which behaviors are a direct response to the trauma and to give you the tools to work through them.
5. Prioritize family time
Pre COVID-19, many families would struggle to find evenings to do things together. Now, forced time together isn’t always the blissful time together you had hoped for. Especially if you haven’t quite been as informed about the goings on in your family’s lives as you would have hoped.
There may be tensions due to people feeling ‘misunderstood’ and ‘unheard’ which can cause friction. Even while at home, your teens may wish to spend more time in their rooms speaking with friends. However, it is important to try and figure out the things that most of you enjoy doing together and make those things a priority.
Find the joy in getting to know your family again. While going out at the moment comes with additional risks, there are plenty of things you can do at home. Small things done together can make the world of difference to everybody’s emotions during this incredibly challenging time.
6. Recognize The Right Decision For Everyone Involved
When you become emotional due to a domestic issue, it’s easy to do what you think is right without focusing on anyone else’s point of view. Once you calm down, you must swallow your pride and lose your ego. When you work together properly, solutions become so much more apparent.
Whether it’s something that leads to the contact of custody attorneys or something much less significant, be sure to talk it out and understand all angles. You’ll be a lot more content and issues will be handled so much more positively.
Family conflict is impossible to avoid. Luckily, there are ways to handle family issues positively. The key is to work together as a family unit and figure out what the issues are.
Once you have determined the issues, figure out how to solve them. Involving everyone in the solution will make it easier, and it’ll make everyone want to do their part.
Do you have any other tips for handling family issues positively? Leave a comment and let me know!
