Most relationships are full of love and affection during the first days. Unfortunately, things get sour and what used to be a haven becomes a house of chaos. When a relationship becomes abusive, the best thing you can do is leave. However, what if you cannot leave an abusive or cold relationship? Some people stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. One of these reasons is trauma bonding. Let’s discuss trauma bonding and how to recognize it in a relationship.
What is Trauma Bonding?
Trauma bonding is an attachment you develop by experiencing emotional and physical trauma with alternating positive reinforcements. When you build traumatic bonding, you experience terrible things with bits of nice things in the relationship. Trauma bonding happens in a relationship when you want to do everything to please your partner with incidents of good and bad times. When the partner expresses terrible behavior, they may cry and apologize and promise never to repeat the behavior. Great things and a honeymoon period follow the apology, but the pattern of the bad behavior continues. Some of the implications of traumatic bonds include:
- Physical abuse
- Intimacy deprivation
- Jealousy
- Sexual abuse
However, traumatic bonding is not limited to intimate relationships only. It also happens in dynamics like kidnapping, child abuse, military training, cults, and war prisoners. Victims cannot leave the abusers because they have a strong connection that keeps them there.
How Do You Recognize Trauma Bonding?
In this kind of bonding, there is inconsistency in the relationship, even if some people may feel safe. There is extreme manipulation in this kind of relationship. Trauma bonding has become trendy, and many people are even glamorizing it. They think it is about overcoming obstacles people experience in relationships. What these people don’t understand is that traumatic bond is not healthy and mainly consists of abuse. The following are indicators you should remember.
Ignoring Red Flags
When you experience abuse, love, and safety, a trauma bond begins to form. During the good time, the abuser tricks you with promises and other lovely things while masking dominance and confidence. These elements include an attachment that can keep you addicted to the person. The person may entice you using tactics like deceit and spoiling you with gifts and affection. Unfortunately, this happens for a short time, and their lousy character starts to show up. If you can ignore their destructive behaviors because of the few instances of nice things, that is trauma bond.
Feeling of Depletion
Even if the relationship has a few instances of happy moments, you may still not feel satisfied or rejuvenated. You feel drained and afraid of sharing thoughts for fear of starting an argument or triggering their wrong side. You should know that even if a healthy relationship has bad times, both partners have open communication channels and encourage openness.
Other signs of trauma bond include:
- Loyalty, even when faced with harm
- Defending bad behavior
- Not feeling like yourself
To Sum It Up
Trauma bonding can affect how you view yourself and lack trust in reality. The abuser may make you feel lesser such that you begin trusting in the more than you do with yourself. You should know that traumatic bonding is unhealthy and should not be sugar-coated as overcoming barriers in a relationship. Therefore, if you notice these signs, try breaking yourself from the bond and seek help.
